Despair, jealousy, anger, frustration… all the negative emotions that smack us and send us spinning, coming from what oft feels from a void we hadn’t known existed.   Possibly, or probably, we were willfully blind.  Purposely overlooking varieties of red flags because we didn’t want to see the negative looming.  Seeing it coming or not matters not at all when that damn hard smack comes which sends a person reeling.  Somehow the smack (at least initially) mostly always feels like a crevasse has opened beneath us.

We cannot in any way control our immediate rush of whatever negative feeling strikes us IN THAT IMMEDIATE smack moment.

It is ridiculously important to sit with whatever emotion left you spinning without any ground under your feet.   Be real with yourself about what you’re feeling.  Don’t pull bullshit veils over your own intelligence.

Naturally the INSTANT AFTER you are propelled into the “HOLY FUCK” void, we tend to got grabbed and pulled in the cyclone created by the question “WHY”.  We get swirled in rapidly (hard to think straight) spinning, dizzying circles and are simultaneously battered with all the cyclone “WHY” debris.  “WHY” debris is no stranger to us, but man does it hurt!  Debris in the form of self blame, searching why we created or helped the smackdown occur.  Victimizing oneself, why me?!  Lots of flying around debris is labeled “willful ignorance” and we respond with, “How could blah blah blah have blahblah to me!”  IT IS HUMAN NATURE to engage in self examination, seeking to comprehend why.

Then STOP!  Can you?  Well it is completely and utterly up to YOU.

Because at this point you’ve reached the fork in the emotional health road.  That moment many, but not most, of us even know exists in our conscious minds.

This moment when we actually have a CHOICE.  We can’t control how fucked up we feel when someshit occurs and we’re stricken in the moment.  But after that initial strike?  We have a choice.  We can take control in a positive way that moves us forward towards peace and happiness, or otherwise.

Yes, really, you have this power.  We are in charge of our own realities and we get to shape where our minds go with intention.  INTENTION.  Yes, I’m taking about the non bullshit that is being mindful.  Meaning you look OUTSIDE of your own damn self.

Unless.  Unless that most valuable possession your heart and soul possesses, gets ripped or blown away, because you won’t hold onto it.  Hear me?  YOU won’t hold onto it.  Either purposely or non purposely.  Guess what,  YOU CAN STILL TAKE IT BACK.   Intention is there for you to hold onto, if you chose.  For certain you won’t be in charge of yourself without intention.

The toughest and scariest path to take at this fork in the road is the one hidden behind the brambles of every nasty thing you’ve ever consciously or subconsciously thought about yourself.  It ain’t easy guiding yourself in a emotionally healthy manner what with those devils riding your shoulders.  Devil ventriloquists to your brain, making you say to yourself (and perhaps others) “I’m so stupid” “Why did I fall for that” “He/she is a total (insert horrific adjective about a person’s flaw here) and I …”

POWER is necessary to push those prickly thorny blood drawing life sucking brambles of nasty out of your fucking way; and you need dig up yourself some insight otherwise you won’t see the alternative path.

Ask yourself, DO you muster the insight, the calm, the bullshit filter to push your mind down the road of the reality of learning and growth?  Can you?  Have you TRIED?????

or…

Do the frenemies-feelings (those emotions so familiar they are easy to fall in with;  and those suckers destruct self esteem) – take you by the hand instead?  Surely you’re familiar with these terminators aimed at defeating your power.  Self doubt, self blame, DO those emotions take you down a path filled with sticky tar that swallows your soul?  Are you comfortable wallowing in victimhood pretending you aren’t bitter?

Is it safer for you to feel shitty?  To not have expectations?  To anticipate negativity and disbelieve positivity?  What is your comfort level?  Do compliments make you uneasy?  What is the sense of worth you truly possess?

WILL YOU STAY STUCK IN WHATEVER SENSE OF WORTH YOU’VE GOT?

OR WILL YOU WORK AT MAKING YOUR REALITY A HAPPIER ONE?

This stopping in mental time, this recognition of choice, is extraordinarily difficult and seemingly completely missed by most.  All one needs do for proof of why it is so well hidden is to pay attention to all that surrounds us.  Listen to friends, news, various postings on media, and the discontent is rampant.  The norm is woe.

For goodness sakes, of course you must own your misery.  Face your depression.  Examine your reasons. Be real with yourself at the very least, if not also to others.

BUT DON’T LET THOSE TOXIC NEGATIVE EMOTIONS TAKE YOU TO LIVE IN VICTIMLAND.

Unless of course you prefer victim land, (where narcissists and borderline disordered people happily feed off depressives and people well trained to think they’re worthless).

Reveling in misery is many people’s idea of normal.  Hey, if that sinks their boat and they’re happy (well not my definition of happy but their personal reality of happy) in the muck at the bottom, that is an individual’s life to live.  The unspoken danger is that the longer a person stays in victimland- the more deeply sucked into that muck a person gets and the more difficult to even WANT to feel happy.

Me?  The muck pre-existing in the world not having to do with me personally, well that is plenty bad enough for me to want to never voluntarily take a path that leads to my own personal tarpit.

So I’m learning.  Working at noticing.  Being attentive (even in hindsight) as can be.

Working I am.  To take that other path.  To machete through the brambles, clear my vision to see that there is a way to  (yeah, it sounds corny) enlightenment.  That’s right, I said it.  Enlightenment.  The word used by mystics, religions, and defined by me here as stripping away the bullshit and taking whatever negative toxic crap I felt/feel and squeezing whatever positive I can out of it.

That means looking for lessons.  That means calming down enough to seek other perspectives, ones that don’t drown me and render me paralyzed.  Perspectives that make me grow in comprehension about whatever the hell it may be.  Recognizing that all I can control is my own self, and when I do manage control there is an undeniable ripple effect impacting whatever is around me.

None of us are perfect, that would be damn boring anyway.

But too many of us wallow in victimhood, feeling snarky, put upon.  And that just sucks the life out of the atmosphere.

Smack yourself with a reality stick if you want to be happy and even (holy shit…) joyful! This means analyzing logically.  About yourself, about another, about a situation.  Think about how whatever fucked you up – can also flip side – instead, make you better, more capable, more understanding about whatever the hell you now know about.

Find the generosity in your soul and guide it to your heart.  Forgive yourself first.  When you’re ready, let that toxicity go fly away so it doesn’t shadow your manner, your inner light.  Even if you don’t think you HAVE an inner light, you won’t know unless you genuinely attempt to reveal it to yourself.  Find the courage to look within.

No-one else is capable.  No-one else is responsible.  It falls upon each of us individually to manage our personal reality.  Only on our own can we find and harness our power to find and utilize that ephereal insight to shape this reality.  How the reality feels, what we let it do to us, how some thing impacts upon your existence, and hence also those around you.

Yours in the challenge of choosing to pause at the fork, find your power, and shape your reality to be happy,

Renée